Make your own free website on

Other thingys that you should check out

Home | Closed polls | Stories from TAIME press

The Evil Ranger

Story by Haras Rilbrethilrie and Hanna Baggins


The Evil Ranger




Narrator: Haras's ranger meets Strider the ranger.

Hanna: Strider, you can come out now!

  Aragorn comes out from under a bush. Aragorn: Hullo.

 Ranger: ......


Aragorn is getting annoyed. 


  Hullo! do you speak?




 Ranger: Roar!

     Aragorn: Aaaaahhhhhhhh! I'm being killed! Aahhhhhh....................................
     Ranger: Ha ha ha!



Narrator:  I comes and separates Aragorn and the other ranger.

Aragorn: I need elvish medicine for my ranger bites. take me to Rivendell.

Hanna: I'll call paramedics.

Cell phone: beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep! rrrrrring! rrrrrring!

Narrator: an ambulance pulls up and takes Strider away. The other Ranger is still growling.

Hanna: I don't think they like each other v. much.




 Ranger: Ha ha ha! He he he! I liked him VEEEERRRRRY Much!



 Aragorn is looking sad.  Strider: he bit me all over and it hurts! Keep him away from me!




 Ranger: Roar! I'll catch you Aragorn!

     Narrator: The Eeeeeeeeevvvvviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllll Ranger Starts to chase Aragorn.



 Narrator: Aragorn locks himself in Rivendell. Elrond won't let The Forest Ranger in.

Ranger: I'll knock down the door, someday!!! Grrrr....




Ranger : Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................................... Look! i found a giant carrot!

Narrator: The EVIL ranger starts to knock down the door with the giant carrot.

Ranger: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................



Narrator: Meriadoc comes and sees the carrot.

Merry: Where did u get that carrot? I like carrots??




Ranger: I found it! It's mine get your own giant carrot!

Merry: Roar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll get that carrot from you!

Ranger: No you won't!

Narrator: The evil ranger knocks down the door with the carrot. He names the carrot Fred. Fred and the evil ranger search for Aragorn.

Ranger: Grrrrrrrr...............



Narrator: Merry walks into Rivendell, silently following the Ranger and Fred. He looks around carefully and sees Strider & Elrond hiding behind a door.

Merry: Strider!!! Elrond!!! It's after you! follow me!

They follow Merry to Brandy Hall in Buckland, where Bilbo, Frodo, and Pippin are waiting for him. Merry pulls Elrond and Aragorn inside and locks the door.

Merry: at least we are safe for a little while. We must make a plan to get that carrrot!!!!!





Ranger: Where could they be? i can't find them anywhere! Grrr...

Fred: Look! Here's a note!

Ranger: What does it say?

Fred: It says,

                    " Dear Whoever,

                                      If you are looking for Elrond he is in Brandy Hall in Buckland

                      with Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Bilbo hiding from and evil ranger 

                      and a carrot. If you are the evil ranger or the carrot do not read this note.



                                                                                Arwen Evenstar    

Ranger: Fred, let's go to Brandy Hall in Buckland.

Fred: O.K.

Narrator: Fred and the EVIL ranger go to Brandy Hall in Buckland.



At Brandy Hall.....
Merry: So the plan is that the Ranger will find us sometime. I will open the front door and destract him, while you , Pip, walk out the back door & arround so he does not see you. Come behind him & tickle him. If he drops Fred, Elrond will grab it and run to Pippin's house. If he does not drop it, I will grab it from him and throw it to Elrond, who will take it to Pippin's house. We will shout for Elrond to take it too Bag End, (and he'll shout back "o.k!"), but he will really go to Pippin's house. The rest of us will go to Bag End and wait for him there.

Frodo & Bilbo: O.K!

Frodo: Jynx! Personal jynx! Bilbo Bilbo!

Bilbo: Whatever.





Ranger:Look Fred! There it is!

Fred: But what if that horrible hobbit that wanted to eat me is here?

Ranger: Quick! Jump into my pocket!

Fred: O.K.

Narrator: Fred jumps into the evil ranger's pocket.

Fred: Hey! I can't breathe in here.

Ranger: Oh. Go hide behind that bush way over there. Tell the berries in the bush to hide you

and if anyone askes the berries where they are tell the berries not to tell them. Only if I tell them to let me have you. Tell them the password is....................

Narrator: The evil ranger whispers the password in Fred's ears. Even though he is a carrot he has ears. The evil ranger goes into Brandy Hall. He does not knock first cuz he is evil.



Merry: Hi would you like to buy some chocolate? Yum! Chocolate.....It is grown from a bean. It is very good for you just don't eat too much cause it would then be bad for you.TASTY!!!! Comes in normal or peanut.....

Ranger: Yum! Chocolate is goooood! tell me more!

Narrator: while Merry and the Ranger are talking, Pippin and Elrond start tickling him.

Ranger: Hooha! Hee-hee-hee! that's ticklish!!! HAAAA!!!!

Pip: Hey! where is that carrot!

Narrator: Frodo sees the carrot fall out of the berry bush and it said "ouch". He slowly approaches.........




Fred: Ouch! Hey that hurt!

George the Berry: Oops! Sorry! There's no room in here.
Bob the Berry: Why don't you go to the raspberry bush next door? They have LOTS of room!

Fred: O.K. Thanks! But what if that crazy hobbit sees me?

Bob: There's a hobbit after you?!?!?! Oh no!!!! This is very very bad.

Narrator: Bob whispers something to George. George whispers something to Larry (Larry is also a berry). Larry whispers something to another berry. Soon the whole bush is whispering.

Larry: We've got an idea, Fred. Listen VERY carefully! This is a very complicated plan! The berries in our bush will distract the hobbit. Then you will run as fast as you can to the raspberry bush. Keep running no matter what. The thorns on the raspberry bush will keep that mean old hobbit out. And stay in the middle of the bush.

Narrator: The berries jump out of the bush. Frodo is almost to the bush.

Bob: Even though some of us might get eaten or squished or.......................

Narrator: Frodo steps on Bob, squishing him with his big hairy feet.

Berries and Fred: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

George: Fred, run! We'll distract him!

Narrator: Fred runs and runs and runs. Just as he get's to the raspberry bush he looks back. The berries are dancing and singing in front of Frodo and he is VERY distracted.

Fred hides in the middle of the raspberry bush and he is safe............. for now.



Narrator: Merry, Pippin, and Elrond are now showing the Ranger how to play tig.The berries are singing "Steve the egg who woke up next to sausages" while square dancing.Frodo is VERY distracted by berries. Bilbo suddenly gets a plan.

Bilbo: Aragorn, while everyone else is busy doing something, we shall run to my house and lock the door. Then you will be safe!!!!!

Narrator:Bilbo and Aragorn go to Bag End and nobody notices them. Meanwhile.......

Frodo: sing another!!!

George: But we sang every song we know!

Frodo: Then I'm board of you.

Narrator: Frodo goes over to the raspberry bush to try to get Fred. Gimli pops out of a nearby bush.

Gimli: Hyah!!! you will never find the mithril berry before ME!

Frodo: mithril berry?

Gimli: YES!!!! my sister said some Relf told her that each raspberry plant grows a berry that is PURE MITHRIL!!!!! I WILL FIND IT BEFORE YOU!!!! HHHHRRRRAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!


Fred: Hello Raspberries! I'm hiding from and evil hobbit.


Fred: WAKE UP!!!!!!

Raspberries: Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fred: Hi. I'm Fred. I'm a carrot.

Mithril Raspberry: Hi Fred!

Fred: Aaahhhhh!!!!!!! Look! A dwarf is coming!

Mithril Berry: Oh no! He'll try to catch me! Hide me! Hide me!

Fred: There's a hobbit coming too! Hide me! Hide Me!




Ranger: Wow! Tig sounds like a fun game but I wanted milk chocolate with peanuts. You gave me white chocolate with no peanuts.

Merry: Oh no! We don't have any chocolate with peanuts left.

Ranger:Then what other kinds do you have.

Pippin: The only kind we have is white chocolate. You have the last piece of it too. Bye!

Narrator: Merry, Pippin, and Elrond run away. The evil ranger is chasing them.

Ranger: I want my money back!!!!!!

Narrator: The evil ranger stops chasing them. Merry, Pippin, and Elrond run all the way back to Rivendell to hide. The evil ranger walks over to the berry bush and he can't see Fred.

Ranger: Berries, where is Fred?

Berries: We'll NEVER tell you!

Ranger: Chocolate Cow.

Berries: He's in the raspberry bush. A hobbit is trying to catch him.

George: A dwarf too.

Narrator: The evil ranger runs over to the raspberry bush.

Ranger: Don't worry Fred! I'll save you!



Narrator: Gimli almost cuts Frodo's head off because he thinks Frodo is after the mithril raspberry. The Ranger comes just in time.

Ranger: Ya!

Narrator: the Ranger knocks Gimli off a cliff.

Frodo: Thank you for saving me. How can I ever repay you?

Ranger: Not taking Fred.

Frodo: Okay! Hey where is Bilbo, Aragorn, Pippin, Merry, and Elrond?

Ranger: I think they went to Rivendell.

Frodo: K! Bye-Bye!

Narrator: Frodo starts walking to Rivendell.

Ranger: Fred, what did we come here to do again?

Fred: Give me a few minutes and maybe I'll remember.



Ranger:I remember Fred! We came here to catch that Aragorn guy.

Fred: Oh. Where is he?

Ranger: I don't know.

Fred: That Bilbo Baggins hobbit guy is gone too. Let's go to Bag End.

Ranger: How do you know he will be there?

Fred: dunno.

Ranger: O.K. Let's go to Bag End.  



Narrator: The Evil Ranger was gonna open the door without out knocking because he is evil but the flowers are so pretty that he decides to knock anyway.

Ranger: Knock knock knock.

Narrator: Bilbo opens the door.

Bilbo: If you are on an adventure or are looking for someone to go on an adventure with, you might try over the hill and across the water. Respectable Hobbits (like me & Hanna) don't go on adventures. Bye!!!

Narrator: Bilbo shuts the door and locks It.

Ranger: Hanna...... I've seen her before. maybe if I kidnap her, Bilbo will give me Aragorn so I can let her go!!! Mwahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

Narrator: Evil music plays in the background.




Narrator: But the flowers are so pretty that he just decides to break in to the house. He uses Fred to break down the door.

Ranger: Ha! We've got you now Aragorn!

Fred: Yeah! We've got YOU now!
Bilbo: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Haha Ha Haha Ha! Mwaha haha ha!

Narrator: Soon Bilbo Almost dies of laughter but he faints instead.

Aragorn: That was really weird. Why was he laughing?

Ranger: I dunno. Do you know, Fred?

Fred: Nope.

Ranger: Anyway, Now I've.....I mean, now we've got you!

Fred: Yeah! Now we've got you!

Ranger: Let's get him!

Fred: Yeah! Let's get him!



Narrator: The Ranger is Aragorn once more.

Aragorn: Hey, I forgot I had a sword.

Narrator: Strider pulles out his sword.

Aragorn: Anduril! Anduril for the Dunedane!!! (I know I spelled that wrong)

Narrator: Strider at the evil Ranger with his sword.

  Aragorn's sword is sharp!Strider: I can defend my self for a little while, but 2 against one, that is no fair!!!!!






Ranger: Roar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aragorn: Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Narrator: The evil ranger licks Aragorn. He licks part of Aragorn's finger.

Aragorn: Yuck! That was gross!

Ranger: Yum yum! That was good! O.K. Fred. We have completed our mission!

Fred: We have??????

Ranger: Yup! I just wanted a little taste!

Fred: Oh. O.K. Let's go home, Evil Ranger.

Ranger: O.K. Fred.

Narrator: The evil ranger and Fred start to walk home when all of a sudden.............

Si:Mweeeehaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hullo evil ranger cuzin!

Fred: Huh?

Ranger: Fred, this is my cuzin, Si. Watch.

      Si, do you love cheese?

Si: Si.

Ranger: Do you cheese?

Si: Si.

Ranger: Can you not say si?

Si: Si.

Ranger: See, Fred? When you ask Si a question all she ever says is si.

Fred: Oh. Si, are you an alien?

Si: Si.

Fred: Evil ranger, is Si really an alien?

Ranger: Si.  



   Narrator: Bilbo gets up.

Bilbo: ow, my head hurts.....

Narrator: Frodo, Pippin, Merry and Elrond come back from Rivendell.

Merry: I'm sorry i wanted to eat you, Fred. Will you forgive me?

Fred: Okay.

Narrator: Gimli comes from someware.

Gimli: Im sorry i attacked you, Frodo. i found a gold ear ring at the bottem of the hill. I'm content now.

Narrator: Hanna walks up.

Hanna: hey! Aragorn, Frodo, Bilbo, Merry, Pippin, Elrond, Ranger, fred, and Si? Would you like to come to my house for tea?

Everyone but Si: O.K!

Si: Si!

Narrator: So after a day of evil Ranger chases, everyone heads to Hanna's place for tea.



             The End